Recovery

The last couple of weeks have brought with it their fair share of hardships over here.  I have been in a considerable amount of pain which brings with it lots of sedating medication which takes time away from my family.  I hate feeling like I am not being a mom and wife when this pain sneaks up and attacks.  

I have to say that I have the best, most wonderful, most understanding husband in the entire world.  He has been there with me through all of it - not once questioning me or telling me that I was just being a baby about the whole thing.  I like to think that I can push through the pain of a migraine or sinus issue, but this was beyond anything that I have experienced before.  When I finally decided that a trip to the emergency room was necessary, there was so much pain I couldn't tell them where it was or wasn't.  My entire head and face was pulsating with pain. After the ER trip, I stayed heavily sedated until my husband and I decided that I needed to find the actual cause and resolve it rather than simply sedate myself.  Basically, I tweaked a nerve and strained some muscles in my neck while sleeping (I am so talented) which was causing multiple migraines.  For those of you who suffer from migraines, I think that you can understand the pain.  Rather than one migraine with isolated pain, I was suffering multiple migraines at the same time in different areas of my brain.  I have the BEST doctor ever!  He was able to actually diagnose the issue, and prescribe the correct injections and medications to start correcting the problem rather than just relieve the symptoms. 

After the trip to the emergency room when the pain was finally beyond my ability to cope, and a couple of visits with my doctor I am beginning to feel better.  The pain is within a tolerable limit so I can spend time with my family and work. 

I am behind in getting my goodies out to my swap partners for the bead swap hosted by Lori Anderson and the button swap hosted by Cindy Wimmer.  I will finally be able to get everything together and get the goodies in the mail tomorrow.  I must say that my partners have been extremely understanding during what seems like a lifetime of being down.  

Prior to getting sidelined, I started my first art journal and was able to get some pages completed.  I wanted to create pages with pastels, watercolors and bright cheery springtime colors, but it was forced and I would stare at my journal without getting anything actually accomplished.  I have learned that I am not a pretty, bright, cheery color kind of artist - at least not right now - and have come to terms with that.  I am getting out some old feelings that have been hidden way deep down inside but need to be released so that I can heal and renew.  I have a feeling that those bright, cheery pages I was looking for will come with time as I heal those old wounds.

Now that I am beginning feeling better, I will be able to continue this journey and hopefully share some of those pages with you.  Also, I can't wait to get my goodies from my swap partners and start creating from those as well.  Who knows what I will come up with this time... This weekend will be full of studying for my final exam in my statistics class and baseball games with my youngest son.  Getting back to normal will take some time since there is some residual pain, but I look forward to continuing my recovery.  

Much Love 

Shell 

Progress

Hello dear readers, 

Easter is right around the corner, so let me begin by wishing all of you a Happy Easter.  This year, we are trying a more non-traditional route to Easter dinner with burgers on the grill with all the fixings.  It has just been too warm here this year to go the ham, mashed potatoes, etc route.  

I just wanted to give a little update on my progress so far.  I have started one art journal of two that I plan to work on.  The one that I have started will be my every day journal for practicing techniques while journaling about how I am feeling on that day.  The second one I will be working on once a week while enjoying the company of my dear friend.  

I did actually sew something as promised.  Of course it's just a dog collar, but its a start.  My lines are not straight and my double-stitching is awful.  Still practicing a little every day to get the techniques down better.  

I will show pics of some of my sewing and selected art journal pages as I continue to progress. Stick around, I'm sure that I will get myself into trouble along the way.

Much love

Shell 

Inner Flames

I look over and my bead table and it calls my name .. very softly .. and from a distance.  I go over to say hello.. try to sit and work .. something is just off .. I'm not really sure what, but it is and I can feel it.. 

I don't want to stop making jewelry .. definitely not .. I have hoarded and loved my beads and supplies as a hamster hoards its food in its puffy puffy cheeks....

A part of me longs to know if there is more.. any more out there.. I know that I haven't found my passion..  passion .. what is my passion .. and this is where my story will begin to change.. 

  A very wise woman ( I mean she is wise ya'll) told me some things that have inspired me so much to continue my artistic journey .. a journey of self discovery .. 

"Your passion doesn't have to be one media"  

Say what?! huh?! I mean really this never even occurred to me.. I thought that if I wanted to make jewelry that's what I did .. if I want to knit, sew, crochet then working with fiber is what I do .. I could only choose one.. 

"Consider yourself an artist that works in multiple medias"  

Really?!  I can do that?  I don't have to solely focus on one thing.. and feel like a failure when it doesn't call to me anymore... but when that one thing doesn't call to me anymore I can press pause and work on something else?  really?  I can?  Ok.. most of you are probably going like DUH Michelle - really!  But this was THE moment for me.. that one moment that you know changes who you think you are ...

"Enjoy the process...Don't fret about the destination" 

WOW!  The words... I mean wow!  I can do that? I don't have to worry whether other people will like my work ... don't have to worry about what others say or think or feel or tell me ...  I don't have to worry that 'i need to be just like everyone else'? ...

Hmmm.

Art and being creative are not words that I would use to describe myself... analytical, prepared.. and *gasp* grown up.. Those are words that I would use to describe me... But there is something missing.. a big huge piece of something missing.. I can feel the hole where it should be .. but what is it?.. can this be it? 

Can it be that allowing myself to feel, think, and act freely without thoughts to who will like it.. or what they will say.. or what others may think.. that this may be the path to finding the piece of me that is missing? 

I am constantly trying to put myself into the categories that others want me in .. good wife .. good mother.. good employee.. good student .. good daughter .. *gasp* grown up.. responsible.. mature .. and the list can go on and on and on and ... 

What about what I want me to be?... when did I decide that it was ok to let that go?.. to conform myself to the expectations of others.. to allow them to push me, pull me, mold me .. into what they want me to be? 

To give up on me? 

Where did the girl inside of me go? .. the one that loved adventure and risk and love .. and the world? .. the one that liked to explore and experiment .. that loved to write stories and poems .. that loved to doodle and draw .. that loved music and art and was able to find the beauty in the world around her?  (cause let me tell you, it has been gray over here for a while)

Well world .. that girl is back after some prodding and arguing with my inner self ..  Let me tell you those were some interesting conversations.. From inspiration from a very wise woman.. my artist journey is starting fresh and new.. there will still be jewelry but there will also be more.. and I hope that you will still continue to follow me as I pursue my passions (for I truly believe, now, that no one thing can contain me) .. The journey will get awfully lonely without all of you with me.. 

and as a VERY WISE WOMAN told me recently .. 

"YOU NEED TO GIVE YOUR INNER FLAMES SOME OXYGEN"

So I say to you (and myself) Go outside your 'norm' .. try something new and creative ... and do it for yourself and no one else 

Much love 

Shell